Baby Shower – The Best Gift Ever!

Being a social person and someone who has moved around a fair bit, I have had the lovely opportunity to attend copious amounts of Baby Showers!!! Love em. Who doesn’t like the opportunity to sit with your friend beaming with happiness that they are about to have a baby. Super cute. So after attending many of these events, I had a ‘lightening bolt’ moment that I could actually help and give a pressie that perhaps might last a little longer than the cute outfits I used to like buying.

So here is my gift……. It is advice. Yes advice. But I am mindful that advice is a like a butt hole – everyone has one! So here is my advice – from a crazy therapist, a colleague, a friend and a mum who made many mistakes.

• Sleepless nights don’t last forever. Yes, despite it seeming like it is forever, it does pass and you will get a full nights’ sleep again.
• The first six to twelve weeks are bloody hard. But it gets better!
• Babies and kids go through stages. Some are joyful and some are darn right annoying. But they are STAGES and they pass. Stuff like being clingy, biting, chucking tantrums, throwing food, drawing on everything, talking back. Remind yourself that is a stage and somewhat normal. Nurture your bubba to understand what behaviour is ok and not okay and they will pass the ‘stage’ with ease.
• When your child is being a turd, remember to comment and reprimand the behaviour, NOT the person. “I love you but that behaviour is not okay”. Saying stuff like “what is wrong with you?” and “are you stupid?” only serves to blame the person and not the behaviour. Remember to separate the two.
• Babies and kids’ emotions are governed by their primary care giver. If you are angry, sad, frustrated etc than your child will exhibit these same similar behaviours (even when they can’t talk they are very perceptive to their environment). Help your child to understand that it is okay to be upset about things and that as their main carer you will be there to help them through some big feelings.
• The way you talk to your child becomes their inner voice – my favourite affirmation ever. Keeps me grounded when I feel like losing my shite sometimes.
• How you talk to your partner and friends, how you argue, whether you call each other names, yell and swear all serves as the platform as to how your child talks to you and resolves conflict.
• Your kids aren’t your friends. Your role is to be their parent. Their world needs to be a positive place for your child. How you feel about your ex, your mother in law or the neighbour, are conversations that don’t need to be had with kids. Try finding some one liners that deflect further conversations, “these are adult conversations” (when they overhear you talking about someone) or “your grandmother loves you and I am grateful that you both have a good relationship” (when you can’t stand your mother in law).
• Routines are in!! You have to provide stability, healthy routine (yes kids thrive on routine), and an environment at home that is safe haven for them – the world is a scary enough place, let them have one place where they are hugged, loved and told they are good enough.
• Start a sleep routine as early as possible – one that you can manage and that is realistic. Infants and children need a structured bedtime. Dull lights, calm house, quiet time, story time, lots of hugs. Encourage as early as possible for children to sleep in their own beds.
• Read and talk to your child all day!!!!!! Their brains develop the fastest between 0-4 years. Pump that engine full of information and learning opportunities.
• All kids need relationships with both parents. Each parent plays an equal role in a child’s life. Although this can be hard (for lots of reasons), remember it is important for children to learn from the significant people in their life. It isn’t always about you, but if it is good for your child than give them a change to thrive.
• Buying expensive clothes and equipment and toys doesn’t mean your child will be smarter or better or will even appreciate you more. Just remember expensive isn’t always better.
• Trust your instinct as a parent. It sends you stronger signals than you know.
• Not everything you need to know about parenting and kids is found in a book! Sometimes Google is not your friend.
• Don’t compare your child, sleep patterns, milestones and birth stories with others. Everyone has a different story.
• Part of becoming a parent is accepting that you are hit with the ‘guilty’ stick. Parenting is a hard gig and you will always question yourself and feel like you are not doing good enough.
• If things become tricky, ask for help. There are tonnes of community and government agencies out there that can help – 24 hr lines, free services, groups. Kids don’t come with a manual so ask for help. Parenting courses should be mandatory I think- they are a great way of gathering ideas and better ways of parenting.
• Read lots and ask lots of questions from people who you value and can help you…….
• And yes, they grow up fast and they can move you, and evoke emotions in you in ways you never thought possible.

Okay there is so much more to say, but I think you have the gist by now. Be grateful for your gift, your child and remind them every day how much they are loved and appreciated.