Technology – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

According to jen……………..

Technology…. it is everywhere. From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed, we are surrounded by technology. Mobile phones, IPADS, IPODS, laptops, computers and the list goes on.

As an adult who didn’t grow up with technology and didn’t go to school or university with technology it is definitely a phenomenon that has fascinated me. I can appreciate all the wonderful things that technology can bring and I am now one of ‘those ‘ people that takes her mobile everywhere, relies on emails daily and sends copious amounts of text messages to my friends and family. I love that I have information and research at my finger tips and I can see how technology helps people stay connected and how it is needed to ensure businesses thrive.

But what I see, and what I want to talk about is the ugly side of technology. The phenomenon that is slowly progressively becoming a big issue in society and something that is having a profound negative impact on the behaviour and development of children as well as an increasing negative impact on relationships between adults.  I have talked to hundreds of men, women, children and adolescents who have come to see me who are genuinely not coping with things that have been said or posted or insinuated or influenced by technology.  I have talked to parents whose children are glued to technology and struggle to come out of their rooms. Parents are coming to see me wandering what is wrong with their increasing negative behaviour of their children – when they are over using technology for hours and hours at a time. Increasingly in the work place we see young people struggle to have conversations with others and resolve conflict face to face -because it is not in front of a screen! At restaurants and cafes, it is common to see a table of people who aren’t actually talking to each other but are looking down at their phones.

Although technology has a truly beautiful side, we weren’t ever really taught ‘technology etiquette’. Technology (Mobile phones, IPADS, IPODS, laptops, computers) can become an addiction if not monitored effectively. Allowing children and young people to utilise technology for extensive periods of time is damaging their brain development and contributes to a feeling of being addicted. Don’t take my word for it…. Just watch what happens if you took away technology for a few days?

And along with teaching technology etiquette around the amount of time spent on your devices, there also is the conversation around, how and when you respond to messages and comments on social media.  Often when we are emotive we can’t see the forest through the trees and don’t realise that things can go pear shaped very quickly particularly if you are feeling targeted, vulnerable, sensitive, have had a bad day or have poor impulse control. People tend to post things or send a message, not realising that words are incredibly hurtful and they sting… for a long time.  Words can never me taken back and once something is out there on the social media platform, it is out there forever. Photos, comments, sharing private information, saying unkind things, fighting and sharing inner thoughts.  For a while there, I used to think this phenomenon was more about teenagers and their inability to control their impulses. They often say and do stupid stuff without any hindsight or reflective capacity on how their actions affect others – (not entirely their fault as their brain is still developing).  But as the years have rolled on, I have seen more people who are adults and are also caught up in the ‘bad and ugly’ of technology.

So, in my true slanted style, here are some things to consider about technology:

• There is the Generation of ‘I’ – I , I, I, I. These people tend to talk about themselves all the time or take selfies all the time. They send pictures of themselves eating, buying, going somewhere, pulling faces. They talk about how great they are, how awesome their partners are and only seem to send pictures of themselves or their children in gorgeous clothes, with gorgeous smiles, just being cute and gorgeous. I call these people the generation of ‘I’ cause they are consumed with talking about themselves. There is a lot of research out there that has called this generation the ‘Millennial Generation’ where the addiction to technology is real. Some studies have spoken about how the addiction to technology is as real as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. MRI scans of the brain and science has stated that the use of technology and receiving messages and texts releases dopamine in the brain (the feel-good hormone) and this is one of the reasons people feel so addicted to their technological devices. In essence, it makes people feel good to receive a message or a ‘like’ or a text or a reaction to their posts. So, this feeling slowly becomes an addiction and it is difficult to stop and slow down. Psychologists and therapists are now increasingly treating children and people for the addiction of technology.  The impact on children’s developing brains is profound and without effective monitoring, rules and boundaries these addictions ripple into behavioural issues, emotional issues and an inability to function or communication without technology.  As parents and adults, it is our role to teach and role model that there is more to life that status updates, more to life that taking pictures of yourself and more to life than talking about yourself all the time.  A question to consider, “What are constant selfies really saying about you?”

• Social Isolation Generation– These people tend to sit behind some sort of technology and feel comfortable communicating, interacting and being part of the world only through a computer screen. Sad, but true. This phenomenon is becoming very popular amongst young people as they have found a way to talk or engage without having to leave the comfort of their room. And whilst there are some positives here as well – I concede that some communication and interaction is better than none at all- I have found an increasing number of parents who have come to see me who are worried about their children as they enter adulthood. Technology can be fun and allows you to read books on it, listen to music on it, talk to friends on it, learn on it etc. But all things in moderation. If you or your loved ones are spending so much time on technology and would rather talk to a computer screen than talk to someone in person, than we may have a slight problem. The Social Isolation Generation I have found are often fundamentally lonely and find it easier to try and engage with people behind a screen. This generation of people find it difficult to talk to face to face, find it hard to make new friends, have a difficult time resolving conflict and seem to only find a voice behind a screen. Challenge to self – put the screen down and try communicating face to face.

• Balls Behind the Screen – These people seem to find it funny or amusing that they critique others or see fit to comment on people’s social medium. I have heard the comments, “I was just being honest” and “if they didn’t want people to comment then they shouldn’t post it”. Ummmm, I don’t think so people. If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it at all. Sure, you can be honest, but you don’t need to be intentionally hurtful. This is a topic that all families need to talk about within the home. Talk to your kids about how you handle adversity and when they receive social media that is unkind or hurtful. Model to them how you would handle these situations. It isn’t talked about enough and cyber bullying is a real problem around the world.

• Switch it Off and Develop Some Rules and Boundaries – Technology doesn’t need to be on all the time. Within our home I turn the WIFI off at 8pm every night. It isn’t because I am trying to save on electricity, it is because I am trying to teach the children that they need to give their brains a rest. Whatever happened at school doesn’t need to keep happening when they come home. And whatever happened at school can be dealt with when you get to school the next day. I have all their technology charged on the benches at home and I never leave technology in their rooms at bedtime. I can almost hear some whispers that are saying “control freak”…… there is an element of control here, but our household rules has and always has been that it is our role as parents to encourage routine and rules – some will make sense and some wont, but ultimately they have to respect them. I have been doing it for so long now that it is like brushing their teeth. They get off technology at 8pm and they know I will lose my shit if I find technology in their rooms at bed!!!

Implementing any change is tricky….. Talk to your kids and/or your partner and challenge them to do something different.  I could go on forever, but this blog is already turning into ‘War and Peace’. LOL.